How many kinds of Orgasms have you had?

Let’s talk about orgasms! Weeeeee!!!!! But before we get into the fun, let’s touch on the difference between achieving orgasms and having orgasmic pleasure and experiences. Achieving Orgasm: The idea and language around the phrase “achieving orgasm” sets many women up for missing out on orgasm altogether, and that leads to everyone involved feeling bad about it. This article is written with the female orgasm in mind, but a lot of the information can also be applied to men’s orgasmic experience. (P.S. Guys – there is a difference between your ejaculation and orgasm. I will write about that another time.) As I have talked about in other articles, orgasmic pleasure is the happy by-product of surrendering to pleasure. The more it becomes about the goal of orgasm as an outcome, the further away you get from truly orgasmic pleasure and bliss. SO STOP TRYING TO HAVE OR ACHIEVE ORGASMS!!! JUST SURRENDER TO RECEIVING PLEASURE AND ORGASMIC EXPERIENCES WILL FOLLOW. I promise. Okay, now let’s get into the fun stuff. Experiencing Orgasmic Pleasure: Orgasmic pleasure can happen in many different parts of your body once your erogenous zones are fully awake. To learn all about the erogenous zones, read my article “Erogenous Zones 101.” See, most people are so focused solely on orgasmic possibilities that stem from direct stimulus to the genital area. I say, as long as you believe in that one kind of orgasm, you are missing out on a world of epic orgasmic pleasure! I have been able to experience toe-gasms , knee-gasms and my favorite, armpit orgasm… I know crazy. Let me tell you a story:...

50 Shades of Grey: Did it turn you on?

Fifty Shades of Grey is really erotic porn for women, and there is nothing wrong with that. Over the past three years, I have been teaching a workshop called “50 Shades of Play,” and I have spoken with the media about the books and the movie, so I feel like I have a very good handle on this topic. First off, I need to address a common misconception:50 Shades of Grey is not true or healthy representation of BDSM! There are some hot, kinky sexy scenes that may or may not have made you breath rapidly and your vagina pulse, but I repeat, it is NOT BDSM. This is not an article about all the ways that 50 Shades doesn’t support healthy relationships, or how it doesn’t represent a true BDSM relationship or lifestyle. The book and movie was just another romantic novel and Hollywood love story with some extra spicy sex and sexual tension in it. I will be writing another article talking about how romantic novels, Hollywood love stories and fairy tales have confused and distorted a lot of women’s ideas of love, sex and relationships, but that is for another time. I totally support BDSM as a healthy sexual lifestyle and form of expression. So if you think you might want to start to explore kinky sex or BDSM then please do your research and don’t look at the books or movies as your manual. Without research and proper education exploring into the areas of kink and BDSM can be dangerous for your physical, mental, and relationship well-being. If you are interested in starting your educational...

The power of NO can give us the permission to say YES!

The power of NO can give us the permission to say YES! While I was teaching two amazing workshops at the lifestyle swingers event “Valentines in Niagara” I learned something so valuable, I was moved to make a little addition to my workshops going forward. When I set up a safe and non-judgmental space at the beginning of each of my workshops I always have participants make three permission and power statements. For example: “I give you permission to be horny!” or “This is a safe and non-judgmental space!” But during the Niagara workshops, I was inspired to include a statement that would help people practice saying “No thank you.” Here is how the exercise works: One person asks “May I touch you?“ The other responds with “No Thank you.” When I first saw this, it was amazing to watch everyone’s body language and how hard and uncomfortable it was for some of them to hear “No,” and how challenging it was for some to say “No thank you” with a loving tone. So if people are reacting that strongly to a fake experience, think how people may be feeling in real situations. If we don’t feel we can or should have the right to say “No thank you” how can we feel safe to express our desires? When you are denied your personal or physical truth, which may be “No thank you,” then it is very challenging to feel safe enough to speak your truth. So let’s explore the word “NO.” Why do we have hard time saying it and even harder time hearing it? When we are...

Porn: is it good or bad for you?

In my personal and professional experience porn can be helpful and beneficial to supporting healthy sexuality if used correctly. But if misused, it can become very personally harmful and destroy relationships. Here are some of the wrong ways to use porn: Let porn become an addiction. Use porn as an instructional, sex education tool. Allow it to distort your vision of what men and women’s bodies and genitals can look like, creating both false, unattainable physical attraction to others’ bodies, or self-hatred of your own. Become disrespectful toward your lover. There is a difference between BDSM and kinky sexual play. Kinky play is always SAFE, SANE, and CONSENSUAL. Healthy pain, humiliation, and power exchange is always done from a place of great respect and love. Lie or feel guilty, creating shame and distrust in a relationship. Okay, so those are some of the not-good things about porn, let’s get to the good stuff. While I was in Los Angeles, Calif., I attended a weekend course called “Sexual Attitudes Reassessment” (SAR). We watched many different types of porn and sexual activities to get an idea of what is out there. As you can image I didn’t see much of anything I hadn’t seen before due to my level of personal and professional exploration, but I did see two new things that reaffirmed my own sexual beliefs and values. I often tell my clients to go watch or read porn to help create a spank bank or roller deck of fantasies and desires. I have found if we do not have both a healthy sexual fantasy life and sexual relationship with...

Erogenous Zones 101: The power of the magical, sexual buttons in the human body

What is an erogenous zone? These are spots in the body that have a cluster of nerve endings that can be the source of epic pleasure and bliss once they have been awakened and explored. I’m excited to be able to give you a list of where those buttons are and what you can do with them. But before we get into where the erogenous zones are in the body, you need two important pieces of information: Tickles: The body responds to tickling for two reasons. First, erogenous zones are dying to be let out. When the nerve endings are hypersensitive, they just need to be calmed so you can feel the pleasure underneath. To do this you have to touch with more firmness and slower movements, allowing the nervous system and nerve endings to relax and become calm. Then the pleasure can be explored. The second reason a person could experience tickles is that the body doesn’t want to be touched. There is a built in defense mechanism that is triggered when a person is not feeling safe or comfortable. It sends the nervous system into overdrive. If this is the case, take a deep breath and evaluate why you don’t want to be touched and decide if you can allow yourself to feel safe. If you find you are safe and comfortable, then the nervous system will calm down and you will be good to go. If not, then respect and listen to your body and ask the person to stop touching you until you can figure out what is wrong. This happens often with people who...

Removing the bum play taboo

It hard to imagine that just a few decades ago, the conversation of oral sex was unspeakable. Then, slowly over the years, it was threesomes. Now it seems that anal sex is the last taboo in sexual relationships, especially when it comes to heterosexual males. An article in Psychology Today   points to a 2008 study, which claims that around 15 percent heterosexual men said that they had received analingus while 24 percent had received anal fingering. But the data surrounding how many straight men have engaged in prostate play remains unclear. While heterosexual men might be more willing to engage in anal sex if they’re performing it on a woman, less are willing to engage in anal play on themselves. The reasons for doing so are obviously personal and vary from man to man, but one of the most common reasons stems from the stigma of anal sex being connected to homosexual relationships. It seems that some men need to be reminded that prostate and anal play does not dictate your sexuality in the slightest. And if you’re hesitant to try it because you believe it has any indication of your sexual orientation, then all you’re doing is denying yourself what could be some of the most powerful orgasms you can experience. On the other hand, for those that are avoiding anal play because they believe it will be painful, allow me to let you in on a little secret: It doesn’t have to be. In fact, it can be quite pleasurable. While there are plenty of nerve endings within the anus that can be enjoyable when stimulated,...

3 Secrets to becoming a Multi-Orgasmic woman !

Okay ladies, are you ready to discover how to become multi-orgasmic? Any woman can learn to experience multiple orgasms with training, practice, and of course, surrendering to pleasure and her own body. First of all, in order for a woman to become multi-orgasmic, she must feel comfortable having an orgasm. If, as a woman, you are not there yet, don’t worry! Please go read my article “Top 3 Reasons why some women don’t have orgasms! How that can change!” There are some great tips and tricks to beginning your orgasmic pleasure. As women, once we learn how to be multi-orgasmic then there is no limit on the types (stay tuned for that article) or amount of orgasms our body is capable of expressing. Women and the lovers who want to support multi-orgasmic bliss…let’s get started! 1. Oversensitivity: For many women, once they have had a clitoris orgasm their clit, vagina and sometimes their whole body can be soooo super sensitive that if you continue to touch her, she might want to punch you in the head…not sexy and not a great way to end the sexual experience with non-consensual violence. Here is a little trick my Tantra teachers taught me: Don’t break contact with the clit after orgasm. Don’t keep moving, or applying pressure but instead be very, very still while maintaining contact with her clit. It doesn’t matter if you are using your tongue, finger, hand, toy, penis, or something else, stay still for 10-20 seconds giving the nervous system and nerve ends time to relax and not be in hypersensitive mode. After you wait 10-20 seconds, very...

Top 3 Reasons Why some women don’t have orgasms ! How that can change!

Many of my female clients have asked me how to have an orgasm. Simply put, there is no easy answer. Each woman who is not orgasmic has a set of unique life experiences that interfere with her ability to enjoy orgasmic pleasure. Here are a few reasons women struggle with getting that climax… Past sexual abuse, sexual trauma, or interference is the number one reason women are unable to orgasm in a safe relationship. The statistics are overwhelming and scary: 1 in 3 women will experience some type of sexual abuse or trauma in her lifetime. Experiencing abuse can make touch, pleasure, and surrender simply terrifying. But hope is not lost. Any woman can reclaim sexual power and orgasmic pleasure with the support of a trauma recovery specialist. It is every woman’s right to have orgasmic pleasure. Many women are not clear on what an orgasm is or what it feels like. Some women experience small orgasms and don’t even realize it. There are so many types of orgasms, the important thing to know is that if you have an expectation of what the big “O” looks and feels like, you will not be able to achieve it. You must let go of all expectations and allow your body to feel pleasure. As that pleasure builds, allow your body and mind to enjoy it. The more you do that, the more orgasmic pleasure you will experience. Sometimes there is too much in the brain and not enough in the body. Orgasm has nothing to do with thinking. You must learn to turn off the brain and be in the...

5 Secrets to giving the best licky-licky oral service ever!

Well boys, it’s your turn to discover and develop some magical oral skills that will excite and stimulate the woman (or women) in your life. These tips are also great for all the ladies who love the ladies! If you want to help her become a wet, screaming, moaning mess, here are 5 easy steps to follow. Teasing: The number one complaint I hear from women is that men go for the vagina waaaay too soon. Dudes, the “honey pot” takes time to warm up! Teasing is one of the best ways to encourage the vagina to open up for business. Kiss and softly touch her WHOLE body. DO NOT touch the vagina or the “end zone” yet. Start to kiss and lick down her belly and move your mouth towards her “mound” or pubic bone. As you pass over it, lightly blow warm air, getting so close to her that she thinks you are going to put it in your mouth…then don’t. Instead, continue to lick her inner thigh. I know it sounds evil but trust me, taking the time to tease her now will mean less work for you later! Keep the teasing up until the magic moment when her vagina starts to follow you. At this point, she may be writhing, begging, or even whining for you to lick her. Then, and only then, gently lick her vagina and put her into your mouth. Just remember not to attack the vulva like you have not eaten in days. Pressure: Each vagina likes different levels of pressure at different times of arousal, so it is always better...

9 benefits to being a nudist/ naturalist! Have you Frolic naked lately? Why not?

Once upon a time there was girl named Gaia. She always felt like there was something wrong with her. Gaia never wanted to wear clothes. She could not understand why the only time you were allowed to be naked was when you had a bath. But, Gaia was a rebel and she loved to break the rules. As soon as she figured out how to get out of her sleepers, she decided sleep naked. She would even run through the house naked, laughing and giggling, while her mother had company. As she grew into a teenager, her life goal became to be naked even when she shouldn’t be, all without getting caught. Even in high school she knew that there was something wrong in society. Gaia wrote an essay on the benefits of being naked that showed wisdom beyond her years. One day, when Gaia was in her 30’s, one of her friends said, “Come to the nudist resort, you will love it!” Gaia said, “Where is the fun if I’m allowed to be naked?!” After some convicting, Gaia went. The moment she took off all her clothes she felt a freedom like no other. She had found her people and they were just like her!!! So, when it was warm enough, Gaia spent every moment she could at The Ponderosa Nudist Resort The END Spending the last three years at a nudist resort helped me to notice the many benefits of fully embracing my nudist self: Save money on clothes! My skin—and my entire body—are so happy to be able to breathe My sensory pleasure has increased tenfold....