Self-Pleasure, Can it Improve Your Life?

Self-Pleasure, Can it Improve Your Life?

What is the importance of building a healthy, sexual relationship with yourself?

Today I want to talk to you about the importance of building a healthy, sexual relationship with yourself. Masturbation, whacking off, self-exploration or self-love, it doesn’t really matter what you call it as long as you feel empowered to have it in your life. Let’s talk about how many people have been taught to feel ashamed to touch themselves, or taught there is something wrong or dirty or bad about masturbation. If that is something you have experienced, I want you to know it is not true! It is healthy, natural and a super important part of everyone’s sexual development and sexual wellness. If you are having a strong reaction to that statement, I lovingly invite you to reach out and contact someone for support because you don’t deserve to feel ashamed, dirty or bad.
People often think of masturbation as something you do if you are not getting sex on a regular basis. They think of it as a pale replacement for REAL sex. I am here to say,if you are not masturbating, you are missing out on the gift of having a hot, wild sex life with yourself. Everyone deserves to be having that epic pleasure.

For many people it’s within the safety of masturbation and self-love that they:

  • Figure out what turns them on
  • Find the ways their body craves to be touched
  • Discover how to surrender completely to pleasure without fear or shame
  • Experience first orgasms and orgasmic patterns
  • See their sexual development grow,expand and evolve

Even when you are part of a great sexual relationship with someone, it is important to make time to build your sex relationship with yourself. It is in these self-loving moments that self-discovery can happen without fear, judgement or pressure. The great thing about self-discovery is that you can now share it in your relationship, which adds extra spice and intimacy, bringing you and your partner closer together.
For many couples, masturbation is the source of a lot fights and hurt because of shame, blame, and low self-esteem. This can be a very charged topic for many couples, so I promise I will write a follow-up article focusing on the effects masturbation has on relationships.

Until I write that article I want to give you two things to think about:

  1. I want you to start to see masturbation as important for you and your partner to do, and not as replacement for sexual closeness but to build your sexual pleasure possibilities.
  2. Start sharing and telling one another about your masturbation sessions so you are not hiding or feeling bad about it.

In the meantime, you might want to come out to one of my “Art of Self Love” workshops or contact me for support if you are struggling with feeling safe and happy with masturbation within your relationship.
Your relationship with masturbation can determine whether the experience will be physically and emotionally healthy or unhealthy. Here are a few examples of each:

Unhealthy Relationship

• Using it as way to avoid intimacy or physical connection with others.
• Becoming addicted to the high of orgasm to the point it interferes in your work and other areas of your life.
• Using the orgasm and masturbation time to avoid getting other things accomplished in your life.
• Fueling self-hatred or making yourself feel bad and ashamed.
• Masturbating out of boredom.

Healthy Relationship

• Expression of pleasure
• Emotional release
• Relaxation
• Resetting the body’s biochemical reaction
• Sleep aid
• Pain management
• Self-exploration and discovery
• Having alone time
• Sexual wellness
• Mood stabilizer

Remember, the healthier your wild sex life is with yourself, the more of a sexually whole and well person you will become.

Repeat after me…Sex with myself improves sex with others!!!

P.S. Toys and lubes are a great way to add fun, exploration and orgasmic pleasure to your masturbation time for both men and women. Stay tuned for more exciting articles, product reviews and digital products on the amazing, wondrous and sometimes overwhelming world of Self Love.

Until next time, reach out and touch yourself!!

Gaia Shawna Morrissette

Sexual Wellness Coach and Published Author


  1. Is it right for a woman while in a relationship / marriage use a vibrator /dildo for self gratification. And is it right for a man to use Porn as his gratification

    • Yes it is right and healthy as long as it done with respect no secrets. It is important it is not use as a way to avoid sexual interaction with your partner

  2. Is self gratification good in a relationship / marriage instead of intercourse?

    • Self gratification is good and healthy in a relationship/marriage . It important to have a sex relationship with yourself. It can become problem if it is used as way to avoid sexual activity with your partner. Mutual masturbation can be very sexy and hot. Just remember Sexual activity is not always about intercourse it is about giving and receiving pleasure together. Let me know if that answer your question if not you might want to give me a call .

  3. Gaia

    Nicely written. Very interesting, stimulating and thought provoking. There is just so much more to relationships/marriage than most think there is. Exploring and broadening those horizons can be key to a long lasting relationship and just peace of mind !!

  4. Gaia What a wonderful acknowledgement of self-love , acceptance and one’s sexuality and love you Sex with myself improves sex with others!!! xx

  5. Wow, that’s some photo you came up with for this! Okay I have mixed feelings here primarily because I don’t want my comment to end up popping up on the Internet somewhere. SO, let me just say, I suffer no problem in this area but I’m glad to see someone with the nerve to talk about it. 🙂

  6. Great article! Thank you for shining your light. I’m single, haven’t dated in a long time, and I have a very healthy sex life — me, myself, and my vibrator.

    BTW, I noticed that your commenters’ avatars are obscuring their comments. Want to fix it? I can help. Let’s talk.

    • Hello Thanks for the great review, Sue I am not sure what you are talking about with avatars can you email me direct to talk further about it

  7. I do Masturbate 3 to 4 times a week. Iam not ashamed about playing with myself Iam not ashamed about express myself too I do have 3 sextoys I do love playing with them

  8. Hello,
    Can you please tell me how I can increase the volume of my ejaculate?

    • I dont know of anyway to increasing the amount of ejaculate. Other then going longer between ejaculation.


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