Porn: is it good or bad for you?

Porn: is it good or bad for you?

In my personal and professional experience porn can be helpful and beneficial to supporting healthy sexuality if used correctly. But if misused, it can become very personally harmful and destroy relationships. Here are some of the wrong ways to use porn:

  • Let porn become an addiction.
  • Use porn as an instructional, sex education tool.
  • Allow it to distort your vision of what men and women’s bodies and genitals can look like, creating both false, unattainable physical attraction to others’ bodies, or self-hatred of your own.
  • Become disrespectful toward your lover. There is a difference between BDSM and kinky sexual play. Kinky play is always SAFE, SANE, and CONSENSUAL. Healthy pain, humiliation, and power exchange is always done from a place of great respect and love.
  • Lie or feel guilty, creating shame and distrust in a relationship.

Okay, so those are some of the not-good things about porn, let’s get to the good stuff. While I was in Los Angeles, Calif., I attended a weekend course called “Sexual Attitudes Reassessment” (SAR). We watched many different types of porn and sexual activities to get an idea of what is out there. As you can image I didn’t see much of anything I hadn’t seen before due to my level of personal and professional exploration, but I did see two new things that reaffirmed my own sexual beliefs and values. I often tell my clients to go watch or read porn to help create a spank bank or roller deck of fantasies and desires. I have found if we do not have both a healthy sexual fantasy life and sexual relationship with ourselves it is very hard to share a kick ass connected and wild sex life with our sexual partners. The right use of porn can support that healthy sexual relationship with oneself and others.

Here are some of the benefits of reading, watching and listening to porn:

  • It can help you build your Spank Bank (see exercise below).
  • It can boost your sexual arousal levels.
  • Sharing what turns you on with your partner by watching, reading and listening together can build your relationship. It’s important how you approach this, don’t just put it on and see what happens. Start with a conversation by saying, “Hey sweetie or hun or (insert pet name here), I really want to know what turns you on and to share with you what turns me on. I was wondering if you would like to read, watch or listen to porn or erotica? If so, can we share it with one another. If not, can we watch some together to see what genre turns you on? I promise not to be judgmental and not to laugh, can you promise the same thing?”
  • It can be an important step in healing. Many people were made to feel shameful, guilty, or perverted for enjoying watching sex, dirty movies, or reading porn. Healing your guilt and shame is very powerful. Owning that you enjoy porn as a apart of your sexuality, and a part of your sexual arousal is very important. It is the first step to letting go of shame. Sharing and being honest with your partner is another important step in healing shame. If your partner is against porn, then it is important to figure out a compromise in which both people feel respected and heard. If you are having a hard time with this please reach out to get a professional’s help, don’t sneak around behind your lover’s back. This will only cause more issues.

It is important to remember the mind is one of the biggest turn-ons or turn-offs we have. As humans, we have have a great capacity to experience sexual and non-sexual pleasure. It is important not to judge or hate yourself for your desires. Whatever your fantasy is about, it needs to be allowed to exist within your mind without judgement. This will help put a stop to self-hatred and curb obsessive porn addiction. However, only you can decide which of your sexual desires you want to be made into reality for you. It important to be in line with your values. If you are conflicted with yourself or partner around your desires or healthy use of pornography, please reach out to get some professional support from a non-judgmental coach, therapist, or counselor.

How to create and expand a Spank Bank:

What is a Spank Bank? A Spank Bank is a roller deck of sexual fantasies and desires that you can use when self-pleasuring or can share to turn on your partner.

Our minds can be a great help in turning us on or a great hindrance that turns us off. It is important not to listen to what your mind’s judgement is saying and to start listening to your physical body’s response. Here’s how you learn to do just that:

  • Turn off the phones and emails and make sure you are going to be alone and not distributed.
  • Choose a new type of porn genre. If you have not been exposed to much porn, I recommend women start with reading sex stories, and men to look at amateur pornography.
  • As you’re reading or listening or watching, just make note of how your body is reacting without judgement. If there is a scene that your body is responding to, make a mental note that that is an area to explore further when self-pleasuring.
  • Body reaction may include but is not restricted to: heart beat increasing, breathiness, sudden intake of breath, body temperature increasing, pulsation in your genital area, and tingling in different parts of your body. These are all indicators that your sexual arousal levels are awakening.

It is through our Spank Bank and fantasies that our sexuality is grown and developed if used in a loving and healthy, non-judgmental way, so enjoy!!!

Again if you are struggling with healthy use of pornography and self-pleasuring, please reach out to a non-judgement sexual wellness coach, therapist or counselor today.

Until next time stay happy, horny and be open to exploration!

Gaia Shawna Morrissette

www.succulentliving.com

1 Comment

  1. Succulent and sophisticated article. The spank bank is a great tool if you’re not familiar with what your body reacts kindly to and also a great way to freshen up your sex life including self-sex life:) thanks for sharing!

    Reply

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